You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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