I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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