Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
