And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
