I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
