This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
