Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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