Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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