I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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