Whod you bang
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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