When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
