Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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