I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
