I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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