i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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