What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
