I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
