For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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