I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize