you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
