And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
