I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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