cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i out mim tonsoeep
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