I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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