Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my shit smells like andre
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am one with the molecules
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
