I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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