Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
