I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
