He had one of those small greek statue penises
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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