we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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