Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize