Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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