Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
