Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
