Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
