He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What a dumb baby whore.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
