Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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