Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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