3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how can u be prego again
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
