He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
