hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As shirtless as possible
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
