nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
