I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize