I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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