So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
