I hate your face
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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