so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
