At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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