hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
