Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
