Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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