You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
