his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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