apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
