ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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