I think i peed on brittanys purse
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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