I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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