I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
