one might say we're banned from that church
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
