home. puking in laundry basket.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
