Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
