Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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