I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i've created a new STD.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
