They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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