I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
