listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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