God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
did you just send me my own nude
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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