Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
