I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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