Me. At least after what I've been through.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
