it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
