Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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