Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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