I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize