somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
