Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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