mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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