Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
