And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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