mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
