Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just invented taco cereal.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
