my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
