guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
