is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.