Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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