Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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