we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
